Pointless

So I am staring at your profile, checking for updates, reading your posts.

Small news will be fine. I just want to know you're okay.

How was your day? What did you do?

What are you thinking about? What will you do?

So I am here, doing nothing.. but to think about you.

And you do not even have a clue on how much time I spend for you.

It makes me think if someone out there cares about me the way I care about you.

Such a silly thought, though. It won't even come true.

I guess I'm just sleepy.

Yes, I really think I am.

Connecting the dots and trying to make sense..
But I ended up being pointless.

Chess

You promised me forever.

But the word was too vague.

Time hindered.

Love detoriated.

Tears started flowing.

Smiles never came.

Indeed, a big world ahead of you

With too much joy and too much care

A place I could not enter

As I was then started to fade.

Denial.

Anger.

Grief.

Acceptance.

Why, then?

Why can't there be love?

Maybe a pawn is what will be

The greatest role I'll ever be.

Distance

As I sat beside you, I noticed

You were wearing that shirt,

Keeping us connected in some way.

Your presence made me at ease.

You laughed so hard.

You talked too loud.

Your gestures, your smile

Your hair, your voice...

I couldn't remember your joke, by the way.

I was busy figuring you out,

Trying to get the memories stuck in my mind.

I was too happy you were there.

And on that morning, in silence,

I was looking at your eyes

Waiting for you to look at me...

So sad, I waited too long.

Assumption

Then, signs came.

I understood it differently.

Thinking it was on my side,

I expected it to be mine.

But it never was.

It only brought more pain.

And I learned never to expect.

I stopped dreaming.

My smiles started to fade.

I was left behind.

Falling down all over again,

I got tired of hoping.

Wonder

That moment when you finished reading a book

And got your eyes stuck on the last page

Trying to say goodbye to a world inside your head.

It was as if losing something important but not.

I just got back to reality...

And nothing felt sadder than that.

Blurred Memories

Pink.

I see pink.

The smell of the pillow under my nose.

It makes me forget.

It makes me at peace.

Trying to feel the presence

Of the soft cushion underneath.

Support.

Fatigue.

It takes a while before I close my eyes.

Embracing the silence I've never had.

For the good.

For the worse.

I dream of good things.

"Few more minutes."

Five.

Four.

Three.

Realizing and remembering..

It is actually,

Black.

Space

I'm writing this
to let my feelings out.
I am currently in need of help.
I do not know what to do right now.
There are a lot of things going on
inside my head.

I am a mess.
I have questions.
I am lost.
I am afraid.

I am negative.
I am tired.
I am sad.

And need to be saved.

だから、気をつけて。